Church Go-ers

For the longest time Shannon has asked Eddie and I to join her and James at their Church. There was never a part of me that did not want to go but our weekends are very busy all the time and it's a little ways from our house so I knew that we would never get up and get ready in time to be at the morning service. Then a few weeks ago we went to dinner with them and she again asked me if we wanted to go with them so I pulled up a calendar and we made plans to spend the night at their place so that we would have an open Sunday and already be close to the Church. While we talked at dinner she informed me that they went to the later service anyhow because she worked in the child care center during the first one. This got me thinking because it reminded me that Grace wouldn't be able to join us for the service so I would need to either leave her at home or drop her off at the child care center. I really was unsure of what I would prefer to do. On one hand I didn't think I was ready to drop her off at "school" and the other I knew it would be good for her to go to mix with kids and although she wasn't going to the service, attend Church. As this weekend approach my anxiety levels started to grow because I really wanted her to go with us, but didn't know how I was going to handle leaving her. It's not that I have a problem leaving her, or that she is being left with people I don't know personally, but I wasn't going to be ready to just drop her off at what I consider something similar to preschool and walk away. She is still my little baby! I don't want to see her run off to play and not "need" me anymore. Or to have her get scared because she realized I wasn't there. It made me so sad just thinking about it!
We spent yesterday at their house out in the sun and playing in the pool. After dinner and Grace went to bed we visited and played Apples to Apples for a few hours before calling it a night...tomorrow was going to be a big day. Like always, sleeping somewhere other then her own bed Grace rose with the sun. We had breakfast and talked to Shannon before she left and watched a movie until the boys got up. After getting ready we got on the road so that we could get there early enough to get a doughnut and check out the location. Seriously one of the best chocolate bars I've ever! Saddleback Church is extremely beautiful!!!
The Jackson's attend Church!

It was soooo big I swear you could have multiple weddings though out the grounds on the same day and you wouldn't even know there were others going on. We walked over to the child care area and fortunately were a little too early so we got to walk over to look at the fish to entertain/relax us. Grace really go a kick out of the huge tank with all the Nemo's in it!
Look it's Nemo & Dory!

The minutes quickly went by and it was time to drop Grace off. We picked the room we wanted her to be in because it had toys in it that I knew that she would enjoy playing with. When we walked up Shannon opened the little door and Grace crawled right in and ran straight for the toys. Exactly what I knew she would do.
Her own little door!

Looking to see if we are coming too

We gave them all the information that they needed and then I turned around and walked away. I got about ten feet from the building and started to cry. My heart hurt unlike I had ever felt before. My little girl is growing up! I listened so hard to see if she was going to cry because if she did I was going to go back and get her, but she never cried. I pulled myself together long enough to find our seats and made it through the first song.
The stage where the service is held

For the next hour and forty five minutes I would randomly break down and start to cry again. Was she scared? Was she crying? Was she listening? Did she miss me? I sure missed her more then I ever have. The service was wonderful! The music was beautiful, the Pastor spoke in a language I could understand, and I really took a lot away from it. All that he said related to my life and even at one point he talked about teaching your children to be courageous by your actions. This struck me one because he brought up children (which made me cry) and two because I felt that I was teaching her to be courageous because I was attempting to be by leaving her for the first time. With the last song sang it was finally time! Because the building was so big and full it took us a few minutes to get out of it. I ran down the stairs and got in line to pick up my little one. Shannon came up next to me and told me to be prepared for her to be crying because all the other kids were getting picked up and she wasn't going to understand why we weren't there to get her yet. Again I started to cry. As we moved closer I heard her whining and begin to cry a little. When we came into her view she smiled and ran to the little door. As soon as I could reach her I lifted her up and squeezed her sooooooooo tight. I felt so much weight lift off me and my heart was smiling!! Even though it sounds like I was unhappy the whole time, I really, really enjoyed myself. My situation with leaving Grace was the negative part, but the Church part of it was totally positive. The service was really fantastic! Eddie and I talked the whole way home about how we would really like to start attending on a more regular basis. Though I don't know if I am ready to go leaving Grace again. Maybe every once in a while we can take her because I know that it will be good for both of us! Thank you Shannon for continuing to ask us to come with you and letting us stay with you. We had a great time and felt really good about going to Church. Hopefully someday we can fit Church into every Sunday.